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What you can do

First, identify the type of people you find it most challenging to fit in with.

Age:

I don’t fit in with . . .

  • peers
  • older youths
  • adults

Performance:

I don’t fit in with people who are . . .

  • athletic
  • talented
  • intellectual

Personality:

I don’t fit in with people who are . . .

  • confident
  • popular
  • in a clique

Second, pick the statement that describes your typical reaction to being with the people you identified above.

  • I pretend to have similar interests or abilities.
  • I ignore their interests and talk about my own.
  • I stay quiet and look for the first opportunity to leave.

Third, take the initiative! You can’t always expect people to reach out to you; sometimes you have to reach out to them. (Philippians 2:4) How can you do that?

Look outside your age group. Think about it: Why limit yourself to one age group and then complain that you can’t find friends? That would be like starving to death on a desert island when there are fish swimming all around you!

“My mother encouraged me to try talking with older ones. She said I’d be surprised to learn how much I had in common with them. She was right, and I now have many friends!”—Helena, 20.

Develop conversational skills. The key is to (1) listen, (2) ask questions, and (3) show genuine interest.—James 1:19.

“I try to be a listener rather than a talker. And when I talk, I try not to talk about myself or put others in a negative light.”—Serena, 18.

“If a person wants to talk about something that I’m not familiar with, I’ll ask him to explain things, which will hopefully make him talk to me even more.”—Jared, 21.

“I’m a shy person, so I have to push myself to converse. But to make friends, you have to be friendly. So I’ve started talking.”—Leah, 16.

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